Deino + Tamatoys = this. P-Please sit tight. Details follow.

• 🇯🇵✈🚢💰 OtonaJP
• 🇯🇵✈💰 KanojoToys
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• Japanese product name: シーエ THE HOLE

We at Onahole Review love to crush the boundaries, shooting them with nuclear warheads and salmon cannons, fucking this shit world over for the fun of it, basically teabagging social correctness while shooting lasers from our nipples and shouting “yeehaw” as we pour non-diet coke in our Mentos filled mouth.

Accordingly to this policy, I waited for Tamatoys’ latest move. And one day, I still remember it was at sunset, I saw a new onahole appearing on OtonaJP. “Oh cool” I thought, “it looks bloody and fun and…” I had a moment of hesitation when I zoomed in, getting a clear view of the packaging.

Truth being said, I often refer to the awesome future waiting for us, where robot technology and silicon dolls blend together. And this character… just fucking nails it. It wouldn’t be out of place in a movie by Yoshihiro Nishimura, which reminds me I have yet to enjoy Tokyo Gore Police. And no I didn’t dream of that character, and struggle to decide if it’s a good or bad thing. I think as in many Japanese things: just stop asking why, just lay back and enjoy.

Calcium, aka Calne Ca, is a cute little nurse and… conveniently Infernal Monkey wasn’t in job training and could do proper research about that character, it’s name is Calcium, it’s been created by Deino, made in stainless steel I think, and slashed it’s way into the internet with Vocaloid, who would had known at Yamaha what their software would cause:

I think it’s teaching us some profound questions like “why does it look dangerous even when Calcium is a very gentle and caring robot” in contrast to deadly moefications like Ebola-chan, or “what will be the goals of robots regarding humanity”, or “why did Calcium build such a fragile skeleton”, I mean look at it’s knees, how is this supposed to resist the weight of all the upper body for biped movement ?! I mean, the view angle makes it seem like Calcium is 4 meters tall or something, and why the hell “calcium” anyway when by the looks of it it’s totally made out of brushed steel !

In case you’re staring too much at her.

Aww, you’re feeling scared of her appearance ? Don’t worry, she can patch herself up with some spare medical-grade silicon 🙂

I swear, if there is one reason to buy this product, it’s the packaging. Perfect match next to your Nendoroid collection !

Thanks for visit, next time we…  oh, the content ? I guess I can’t avoid it… okay, let’s talk about the content of Calne Ca Calcium Robotic Nightmare Nurse.

It comes with a pack of lube, just enough for 2-3 uses, and it’s quality is rather low. Also: two strap-ons ! They’re pretty nice, but I wouldn’t drill a hole into my smartphone to attach them to it. New earrings for Shiro-chan !

Now for the onahole itself…

Tamatoys, you’re such criminals. I must confess this is very skilled shaping, down to the smallest details.

Yes yes nice, but you do see that small entrance hole ? So small, so tiny ? That is the main problem with this onahole. I only could insert myself in it by manually spreading the hole open to push my glans past the entrance. And the result ? Meh. It was like tiny teeth were rubbing my glans and shaft, that didn’t feel good. I just… had to stop, trying again with more lube, ending up with a vaguely wavy structure in a boring experience.

What a shame, oh dear. Such awesome packaging, such nice shaping, and then such deception.. I really doubt it’s worth the price.