Cute Hips DX Dual-Type Onahole

Meat is murder, and Cute Hips DX by A-One Tokyo is the killer of boners. Weighing 1.1 kilograms, this grotesque slab of rubber is a so-called dual hole; this bitch got a pussy, an asshole, and a free-of-charge jizz exit-hole!

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Welcome, cucks and fappers, to Otaku Apologist’s review of Cute Hips DX Dual-Type Onahole!

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Before I bash this bitch beef like she deserves to, I have to remind my dear cucked readers, that my dick is experiencing as of late, an identity crisis. Where before I could never raise a boner to normalfag porn, making hentai my only source of fap stimulus, these days, I cannot fap to hentai either. I’m essentially a fucking eunuch!

Yeah, I got something wrong with my dick… makes this job a little more painful than it should… but fock it!!

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The Cute Hips DX rocks two decently designed pleasure holes. I prefer the ass bit, due to its tightness. Where normie holes are easy to wrap your sausage fingers around, this whore hump is large as a prepubescent cum dump’s ass, and cut from the bottom. It is as off-putting an experience as you can imagine. The feeling in both ero-caverns is ultra standard, nothing surprising or gimmicky or even interesting.

There’s the usual ribs and the bumps. The ass puts up a better fight; there’s more friction than in the pussy, while the pussy is softer and more inviting, easier to penetrate deep. Switching between them is refreshing, they don’t feel the same.AO225-4.jpg

The texture is soft enough to grab on to, but jerking it up and down on your cock, is the epitome of awkwardness. If you’ve used onaholes before, you know how they feel; super soft, slightly stretchy, tries to imitate flesh. Your cock doesn’t know the difference, so it’s a good feeling to have the little fellow enveloped in a hole made of this stuff. The ass-portion is nice and spankable, but how the hell do you immerse yourself in a fantasy, when the thing is designed like a set piece in a John Carpenter movie? I imagine splurging it in fake blood, then raping it hard, will satisfy the urges of the more fucked up faplords. I feel guilty for every package of Cute Hips DX I’ve sold over the months blogging and meming about it.

Why did I do it..? (For the mon€y)

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The grossest part about the toy is the third hole, the exit-hole, where your cock peeks out during a fuck. While it makes sense from a convenience point of view, because you need to wash your dick cheese post-orgasm, you have to premeditate where you’re gonna cum. The cum will shoot out of the exit-hole, lest you plug it somehow. It’s a very lovecraftian experience.

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The package is a mad seller; a fine young kawaii set of buttocks, freely available for cum dumping at will. It’s so kawaii, with even teddy bears peeking out of the bushes against a pink sky full of promise! It’s shiny, inviting, this shit is sold with the package, so check it, stare at it, be mezmerized by the enthralling beauty of a woman’s fake arse. Yeah, yeah. Get sexy onahole lubricant to go with it, Onatsuyu Female Nectar Lotion is my whole-hearted recommendation.

When washing the thing, put the slab under da tab and let your crimes abolish themselves in the courts of Haag-two-O. Because of the exit hole, water runs freely through both holes. Finger fuck and towel, use a micro fiber glove for maximum purification of the insides. Dry the exterior with a towel, and leave the meat to rest.

 

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Author: Otaku Apologist

I am The Otaku Apologist, radical entrepreneur of the new world economy. Follow my hentai blog http://otakuapologist.xyz

17 Replies to “Cute Hips DX Dual-Type Onahole

        1. Thank you. I am also a successful blogger, JLIST’s best-earning affiliate marketer, a masterful negotiator, OG 90s gamer, a devout atheist, and the most offensive ironically bigoted piece of shit you’ll ever cross paths with. Thank you for your retarded comments, you contribute to the brand.

          I got you by the balls already. How’s it feel to lose to someone twice as smart as you?

          1. I liked it, there could have been a bit more details on the inner structure. But all in all it was a very funny revieuw

            1. The inner structure was rather uneventful. Make no mistake, itΒ΄s good for stroking, it’s tight enough and all, but the way you have to grab it, i wasn’t a fan of.

              It has the kink factor going. If you want your cock to peek out while fucking an onahole, so you can stare at the lubed glans and the slit oozing precum, go fucking buy it.

              And use my discount code.

    1. Please tell us what “other guy” πŸ™‚ https://blog.onahole.eu/about#authors
      (and, no, we don’t “fire” authors because someone thinks the review sucks, it’s telling an honest personal opinion of Otaku Apologist, save the non-vegetarian shit and rape-culture sarcasms)

    2. I’m not a fan of the writing style at all, though it is technically well-written. The main issue I’m repeatedly having with Otaku Apologist’s reviews is that they are extremely uninformative. There is too much emphasis on making jokes and not enough on presenting the product. The other reviewers provide plenty of pictures (and even videos) and detail what there is and what to expect, and they’ve gotten better at that over time (I’ve read roughly 4 years worth of reviews on here).

      However, I finish reading this review feeling no more informed than when starting it. Any inclination to purchase the item is unchanged. To me, that makes the review a complete failure. From what I observe, Otaku Apologist isn’t receptive to criticism, but here goes anyway (his harsh attack on other users is what caused me to make a reply).
      Let’s review the review:

      Paragraph 1 – Stated product name, weight and features (dual hole + exit hole). Good for a start.
      Paragraph 2 – Stated some personal problems. Bad. Unnecessary.
      Paragraph 3 – Described the holes , but the closest to objective descriptors are “ultra standard” and “tightness”. Bad. Poor elaboration. Additionally, zero images are presented of the interior. Images would help when you describe so vaguely.
      Paragraph 4 – Described exterior. It started out fair, but starting from the second sentence it quickly devolved into more unhelpful jokes. Bad. Stay focused. Additionally, pictures provided are extremely small, with poor representation overall (need more shots at different angles).
      Paragraph 5 – Elaborated on the exit hole. This I found is a good balance on telling those jokes you love so much while still conveying satisfactory information. Good.
      Paragraph 6 – Described the packaging. Doesn’t matter what you say as long as pictures are provided… but there were no pictures though. Other authors go as far as providing high quality scans. You say packaging is a “mad seller”, but where are the pictures? The reader can kind of see the packaging in two of the earlier pictures but it’s nowhere near enough. Bad. The minimum is an image of each side of the box.
      Paragraph 7 – This paragraph is honestly a mess throughout with no redeeming qualities. There is a disclaimer, then an abrupt and awkward transition to vague cleaning instructions, ending suddenly with “Buy it now!” as if talking about the product had become a nuisance at this point.

      I get that you’re allegedly J-List’s highest earning affiliate marketer, but what I see here is someone going through the motions quickly in order to move on, taking only joy in cracking tangential jokes. As a writer myself, I know a low effort composition like this can be churned out in only minutes. Even if you are best affiliate, this is a major disservice to those who provide you these products for review.
      To be blunt, a review of this quality adds nothing to the site, and if the reviewer doesn’t improve, readers aren’t missing out if these reviews ceased to be published. I hope the other reviewers will take this critique into consideration, as well.

      Hopefully, Otaku Apologist will aspire to write more valuable reviews (rather than say, “Screw it, I’m done.”), because as it stands it’s little more than, “Hey, have you heard that this thing exists?” Well, I’d love for you to tell me more, but you just left it at that then vacated the area.
      Yes, I see you clearly have an opinion, but what is the opinion worth if you take very little time to go into the reasons behind it? By this regard, it’s no better than the opinion expressed by Satan here in the comments.

      1. Hey! Thanks for the detailed description of the issues with the review. I’ll work to improve it. πŸ™‚

        Unfortunately, most readers do not bother to actually address issues verbally. Thanks for taking the time.

        ~OA

  1. You can even fap to Hentai any more?
    It looks like you have an inner psycological fight, you shouldn’t push yourself to hard.

    So which one is Mr. Peter Payne on the picture?
    I am following him on Facebook and Twitter but haven’t seen a single picture of him.

    1. Yes, my mind these days is in a constant psychological conflict. I push myself hard because I want to become rich unlike most people. The hentai scene is my ticket to my very own castle. It takes a lot of fucking sacrifice.

      Peter Payne is the one WITHOUT the Cthulhu mask. πŸ˜›

  2. Being rich is not everthing, haven’t Peter told you that?

    But well if you are satisfied with your work and what you are doing its fine.

    1. That is what people tell themselves, then they bang a random girl they found at the bar, who gets pregnant, and then you both drop out of school to tend to the financial parasite for the next 20 years till you’re middle-aged.

      Without ambition, the human swine rots in his pen.

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